i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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