Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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