he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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