Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We have so much sex to catch up on
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
