i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
