For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
