last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
