im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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