He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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