That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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