oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
