Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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