i need an iv and a liver transplant
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
as a side note pls kill me
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