I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
