Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
