I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i drank out of a bidet.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
