he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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