whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
