Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
