he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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