k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
