So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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