Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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