He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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