i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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