so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
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I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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