and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
