It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
