I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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