Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
