Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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