Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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