I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
All the doctor said was why
I came so hard my ears popped.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
