I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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