I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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