Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
