She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize