fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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