Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
