if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
