my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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