someone get that fucking seahorse.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
