I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
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