no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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