so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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