As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
