Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
do nipples grow back?
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