I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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