the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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