69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
