isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
