Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
