Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
