Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
bring money and cleavage
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
