He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
