we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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