I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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