In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
