You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
