i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize