Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
