Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
