I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
