how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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