so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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