that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize