your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
