I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
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She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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