I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
