You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize