The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
