I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
