I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i can't believe i had my finger in that
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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