I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
