32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
